My Best Friend's Wedding

I felt like Julia Roberts' character in the movie with the same title.

JL, my best friend and twin sister, since we were born on the exact same day (1st June 1983), got married exactly a month ago, 28th August 2007. It doesn't matter who she married, or why. Fact is, she's married and I'm devastated.

I know I got married first, and I know she felt the loss, and I know she realized that things would have to change between us. I realized that too, when I got married. But when SHE got married, I knew that things would never be the same. It's double jeopardy, and I just lost.

Julia Roberts didn't want Michael, her guy best friend, to marry another girl. She wanted him to marry her. Now I don't want to marry JL of course, since we're both female and are therefore unable to procreate, but I don't want her to marry. Period.

Selfish of me, huh? I'm not proud of it, but that wedding was something like a funeral, our friendship's funeral. I was made to go to the front and say something to the newlyweds... and I cried from start to finish of my very short speech. My heart was breaking. I could barely breathe, and tears were streaming down my face, ruining my carefully applied make-up.

My speech: "If anything goes wrong, I'll always be here, you come to me, okay J?" or something similar.

No, I don't want their marriage to fail.
No, I'm not trying to steal her away from him.
No, I don't want her to be miserable at the expense of my happiness.
I'm worried. I'm worried that growing up and having our own families will mean us not being a family anymore. No, I'm not worried, I'm terrified!

I'm terrified that she won't need me anymore.

 

posted by A.Cortes on 5:07 PM under

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