jobless like toothless

I let go of my safety net. I gave up the one thing that was my constant. It was a tough decision... a lot of tears, a lot of doubts, a lot of what ifs... but I made the decision, and I am living it right now.

Life is funny. It gives you a curve ball when you least expect it. I never expected to get pregnant, but I did, and here I am. I never expected to work in one BPO company for this long, but that's what happened. And then, I never expected to quit while I was ahead... but there you go.

Everyone keeps asking why... everyone keeps saying "Sayang..." the curious thing is, I too felt that it was sayang. I feel that I could have done so much more... become so much more... but hey, life threw me a curve ball, and it may have saved my soul.

I have to come to terms with the fact that my worth was not being recognized anymore. I started out wonderfully, full of zest, full of vigor. Always busy, at the expense of my family. But I was alive. I was doing what I wanted, and was loving every single minute of my job. It wasn't only a job to me then. It became my life. And maybe that's where my mistake lay. That I let my work become who I was.

But that's the only way I know how to survive. Total absorption. Otherwise, I'm disengaged, therefore dead.

All things considered, I hope and pray that I survive. That my soul survives. I've been idle for close to a week now, and it has been... an experience. I am worried about finances, worried about what tomorrow is going to bring... but what I am really scared of is that I find absolutely no reason to go on.

I know I must. And I will. For Angelo. And for his future.

final dose:
I am fat

 

posted by A.Cortes on 5:42 AM under

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