since my wife is not

I find it rather taxing thinking of what unique gift to give to my (not expecting) wife this valentine, not expecting to say that I have some sort of surprise. You know how you go through the hassle of mind-boggling brainstorming, extracting whatever creative juices are left in your freaking brain to come up with a memorable Valentine's date. This is one painstaking task a husband needs to go through - to be romantic in the manner of being appreciated. In an attempt of an alibi, this post may sound rather pathetic. (inspired by this blog)
  • if only my wife were EVA LONGORIA
Then a Valentine's Day present wouldn't be a problem at all. Think of numerous glamorous outfits. Just ensure this desperate housewife is always in shape and sexy, also see to it not to hire a hunky young gardener. Although in reality, you'll have to play as good as Tony Parker and put in impressive numbers every basketball game.

best gift: vibrator
"The 'Desperate Housewives' star claims the greatest gift for any woman is learning how to pleasure herself." The sexy actress, who famously said she didn't have an orgasm until she used a vibrator, revealed: "After I spoke openly about vibrators, I literally got boxes and boxes of free sex toys sent to me.
source: http://www.beautyden.com/celebrity/evalongoriavibratorgift.shtml
  • if only my wife were SHARON OSBOURNE
Then a Valentine's Day present wouldn't be a problem at all. Think of a rock and roll lifestyle. Act naturally stupid and radical to portray a hilarious dysfunctional family. Respond with swearing words in a hoarse and husky rocker voice. Be real friendly to puppies. Party like a rock star. In reality, help with her advocacies and promote her book.

best gift: playboy rabbit (a different addition to her many pets)
Sharon Osbourne claims husband Ozzy is a sex crazed "rabbit". The stunning ’X Factor’ judge claims the 57-year-old rocker can’t get enough bedroom action and needs to be satisfied every night. She said: "He’s like a rabbit, honestly. We have sex every night we’re together. Every night! Sometimes I have to tell him I am too tired, but Ozzy’s never tired."
source: http://www.mybrum.co.uk/birmingham/celebs-sharon-osbourne10.htm
  • if only my wife were MARGE SIMPSON
Then a Valentine's Day present wouldn't be a problem at all. Think of the "typical housewife." just make sure that you don't nag about the supply of beer and donuts. Learn to admire her unapreciated hobbies which includes compulsive cleaning, baking, shopping and giving advice to neighbors. "In reality" won't really apply since Marge is a fictional character.

best gift: a hair spa
"Marge's one extravagance is having her tall blue hair done twice a day. Her hair does come in handy, however, as it enables the Simpsons to locate one another easily when they visit an amusement park or zoo. Marge adds: It doesn't matter how you feel inside, you know. It's what shows up on the surface that counts."
source: http://www.thesimpsons.com/characters/home.htm

Unfortunately, the three personalities mentioned above do not really come close to wifey, and thank god that they don't. I'm proud that my wife's inability to be typical makes our whole relationship dynamic. Still it leaves me without any idea of what to give her come the 14th of February. Well, I hope I could pull off something romantic on our Valentine's trip to Baguio City.

final dose:
Happy Valentine's swee' pea!

 

posted by A.Cortes on 2:43 AM under

6 comments:

jeff said...

wla ko ka bilib si eva longoria daghan diay og vibrator. maayo if matagaan sad ta og apil.

akosikai said...

"wla ko ka bilib si eva longoria daghan diay og vibrator. maayo if matagaan sad ta og apil."-hahah, mao nay giingon nga share your blessings..

looking forward to your baguio post daddi! =)

daddynator said...

maka lisang lagi na daghan diay kaayo vibrator si eva longoria... if desperate na ka kai pag send na lang og letter niya, basin iya pa ipada sa cebu...ahehehe =)

we'll create a post soon about our baguio and manila trip...
=)

yan said...

so what did you give her? a second baby? that would be the perfect gift. ;)

alli, if tonio did decide on a dildo, please consider handing it off to gen. she needs it more. bwahahahha.

daddynator said...

second baby would be the best gift 3-5 valentines day from now cguro yan...the attempt of creating one was probably the gift for both of us...

ahehehehehe =)

alli said...

oh how i wish he gave me a vibrator... but he gave me flowers instead. hmph!

hehehehehehe... love you dad!!! =)

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